The Easiest Way to Deal with Rude People (comebacks included)

Before Doug and I were engaged, people were often ask "So, when are you getting married?"  Married friends tell me the next question to expect, as soon as we walk down the aisle is "So, when are you having children?" And then shortly after one child is born, "Are you planning to have another?" In my heart, I believe that most people mean well, but it doesn't mean the questions are any less invasive, sometimes hurtful and often, just rude.  The responses below are a compilation of comebacks, gathered from around the internet. Some, more harsh than others, but none are downright rude. Instead of saying what you might want to say, consider these comebacks when you’re flabbergasted at the cluelessness of the person standing before you. These replies might not be as satisfying as an expletive or that snarky rejoinder, but hopefully they get the job done.

photo via Death to the Stock Photo

photo via Death to the Stock Photo

1. Excuse me, but did you actually just say… (Then summarize what they said, pouring every ounce of incredulity you can muster into the retelling in the hopes the other person will realize how inappropriate their comment was.)

2. So sorry, I wasn’t listening. Can you repeat that?

3. Right.

4. Well, I think we’ve reached the end of this conversation.

5. Whatever you say.

6. You don’t really expect me to answer that, do you? (And if they say “Yes, I do expect an answer,” I refer you to a comeback line from The Princess Bride : “Get used to disappointment.”)

7. That’s the most pretentious thing I’ve ever heard. (Then laugh.)

8. You’re kidding, right? Hold on. You are kidding, right?

9. Ouch. Did you mean to be that rude?

10. Help me understand why you think that was an appropriate thing to say–and why you think I should answer you.

11. Thank you. We’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view. (Courtesy of Yahoo Answers).

12. My apologies. I don’t speak English.

13. Oh! Enough about me! What have you been up to lately? If they persist, a brief “I’d rather not say” should be enough. Smiling broadly, of course!

14. I think that was a bit rude or You just offended me might be a bit more polite and effective.

15. I’m sure you didn’t mean for that question to be rude/intrusive/inappropriate, but that’s how it sounded. But even less confrontational would be to just blink, and politely say (with a bland expression) “excuse me?” Then wait. Usually they realize their blunder, and either apologize or try to blow past their embarrassing moment.

16. I don’t really know how to answer that. Simple, to the point.

What do you think? Any of your favorites that I've missed?